i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
