and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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