I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
