The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
