and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
