A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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