It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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