i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
