Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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