I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
