i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
