Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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