it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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