what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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