If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
