FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
