If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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