Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
