hell yes lets make some ravioli
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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