i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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