I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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