let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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