can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
