Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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