i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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