Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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