do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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