I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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