So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
