This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
