I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
ttyl tear gas
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
