I CAN MOONWALK!
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
