Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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