xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
