Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Sorry about my life...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
