At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
