Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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