I'm drive I can fine osifer
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
