4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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