I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
