Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
