What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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