I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
