Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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