When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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