hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
