Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
