I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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