Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
