If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
