It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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