This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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