Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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