so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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