I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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