i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
