I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
