We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
