there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
