Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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