If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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