is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
