WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize