Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
