just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
