he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
