how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
